Choices

It has been ages since I have blogged. For some reason I can't seem to get any thoughts out. Tonight while we caught up on Chuck I had a realization. While I watched Chuck struggle to realize who he is I  realized that is exactly where I am at. I am at one of those cross roads in life where you know that you must make a choice. Who am I? Am I a mommy? A teacher? A firefighter?  I feel like Robert Frost. You know, "two roads diverge in a yellow wood".

Ok so I am not having a total identity crisis. But I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions and have no idea where to go. So tonight I put my Ipod on and am listening to Natalie Cole, Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin. I have not lost all of myself. ;) In all practicality I have two families. My "real" family and my "family" at the FD. This sounds really odd but at times the FD family is more like my family than my real family. We are probably going to homeschool C next year and I think that has caused some of the identity crisis. I am going to have to become a teacher and I have no idea how to do that!! I have been very selective with who we have mentioned this to. With all of the other drama I just didn't feel like fighting about something else with people. The people that I have mentioned that we are considering it to have all been very positive. Now I know that will not always be the case. But I guess the snide comment from that lady at Walmart really didn't concern me. Then last week something was said at the station and I admitted to one of the guys that we were considering homeschooling C. I was totally taken back by the comments and questions that followed. And this coming from someone who I not only "work" with but I truly consider to be like a big brother! Someone who is encouraging me to go back to school and become a Paramedic. So now I am trying to balance my families once again. I think I would really like to look into going back to school but think that right now it is "the road not taken".  I have no doubts that I will never regret homeschooling even if it is for only a year. But part of me wonders if I will never get the chance to pursue this. It was kinda scary too. You know in the old western movies where someone would say something and the cowboy would say "Them's fightin words, pardner"? Well that's what happened. I was suddenly like a mama bear and got totally upset about totally legitimate questions (ok, most of them) that I am SURE I will have to answer many more times. Why? Maybe because I had not answered some of them myself. I'm not sure on this yet. And what happens when my real family asks the same questions? Because the guys at the station will not get offended if I yell or walk off or what ever but my other family will. Guys are so much easier to talk to than girls! ;) Just a side note- I did not do any of those things, I'm just saying that I could have. So I guess I am not any closer to answering any of these questions but feel better for having ranted and raved for awhile. :D  I will leave you with something from Paul Combs.