There is a quote from Mother Teresa that I have always liked. "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." I feel that way right now. Although I KNOW that I can't handle it. At least not on my own. I need His strength and power. Part of me wonders if that is the point in all of this. My learning to rely on Him in EVERYTHING. Sunday was the one year mark of loosing my Dad. I was feeling pretty proud of myself during the week before. I was doing ok. I still have days but I no longer cry at Walmart while grocery shopping and walking down the chip isle. I felt I had made progress and that I was dealing with it. Big mistake. We found out friday night that something was going on. Mom called us saturday night and let us know that she was diagnosed with leukemia. SATURDAY NIGHT!! As if I wasn't going to be an emotional wreck on Sunday anyhow!! (note: I was glad she called and told us but the overall timing was not great) I was reminded yet again that I can't do this! I actually remember telling God on the way to the hospital last year that He couldn't take my Dad because I couldn't handle it! There was a song in the early 90's and the chorus went "go on and take another walk around Mt. Sinai till you learn your lesson; till you stop your whining and you quit your rebelling; till you learn to stand in your day of testing; by trusting and obeying the Lord" I have no idea who sang it or even the name of the song, but I remember the chorus. I feel I am walking around again. I have grown closer to God and am relying on Him more and more for the day to day stuff but I still mess it up. Apparently I need to work on this area again. Some people have a life verse. I am beginning to believe that I have a life chapter. Over and over again I am brought back to Ephesians 6. I can trace it back as far as 2nd grade. So I will end with this.
Ephesians 6:10-18 from the Message
A Fight to the Finish
10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. 13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
